


The Blame Is On Me

by Imogen_LeFay



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Questioning Blaine, alternate outcome, blame it on the alcohol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:41:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27775525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Imogen_LeFay/pseuds/Imogen_LeFay
Summary: After Rachel's party, Blaine finds himself confused and uncertain, and their date kind of doesn't help. So maybe it's time to really figure this thing out.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Rachel Berry
Comments: 13
Kudos: 28





	The Blame Is On Me

**Author's Note:**

> So, I’m not usually writing this pairing, or shipping them (okay, maybe a little bit), but this one popped in my head and I kind of couldn’t let go, so here it is.  
> Premise: What if the second Blainchel kiss hadn’t happened in the middle of a busy coffee shop out of nowhere, but in an atmosphere that gave them an actual shot?  
> Title is from Taylor Swift’s “Trouble”, also kind of alluding to Blame It On The Alcohol

* * *

It had been almost a week since Rachel’s party. Six days since his whole world had tilted. And even now, Blaine still was confused.

For so long, he’d known who he was. It wasn’t like he’d just decided to come out as gay on a whim. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that he was attracted to guy, never had felt attraction towards a girl as he was supposed to. He’d tried to deny it, fought with himself, had tried to tell himself all the cliches – it’s a phase, you just haven’t met the right girl yet, it’s not real. But in the end, he’d found the strength to look in the mirror and be true to himself. He’d been sure. He’d _known_.

And then, Rachel had pulled the rug from under his feet.

He could still remember what it felt like kissing her – less the actual physical sensation, but how he’d felt… warm, and happy, hungry for more… It had been a good kiss. A damn good kiss. He’d _liked_ how soft her skin had been under his hand, the faded taste of lip gloss, how she’d blushed and the way she’d looked at him… he’d had fun singing with her, dancing, just being dumb teenagers together…

So he’d taken more time to think. He wasn’t an idiot, he knew that bisexuality existed. And no matter what Kurt said, it wasn’t just some excuse to trip back into the closet. It was valid, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

He still had problems applying it to himself.

_He’d been so sure…_

When he agreed to go out on a date with Rachel, he’d thought that would clear things up. But in the end, it left him just as confused as before. They’d had fun, yes, but he wasn’t sure if that wasn’t just the kind of fun he’d had with any friend. Maybe they should have kissed, but he had been unsure. Maybe the kiss would have meant something, or maybe not, but at the time he wasn’t ready to deal with either outcome.

Could he really have been wrong about something so fundamental?

The thoughts distracted him all through the next few days, even warbler practice, so when he drove home this weekend he even decided to skip his usual post-rehearsal coffee. He had the vague hope that he might talk to his mother, find some clarity or at least comfort. But when he arrived home, he only found a pot with curry and a note that his parents were at a work event of his dad’s company.

It wasn’t that Blaine wasn’t used to dinners on his own. Really, he could cope quite well. But tonight, when his thoughts just wouldn’t stand still, it was almost torturous. He tried to calm himself down, even distract himself with studying, but again and again, his thoughts wandered to Rachel, and what on earth this meant.

Could it have been a fluke? Maybe the kiss hadn’t been that great, maybe it really had all been the alcohol, as Kurt had hinted at more than once.

But if it wasn’t…

In a sudden flash of decisiveness, he took his phone and found her number. It was ringing so long that he was considering giving up, but then, finally, she answered.

“Hello? Blaine?”

“Hey, Rachel… Listen, I know it’s late, but… can I see you?”

There was a pause, and he could hear her moving on the other end. He wondered where she was, if she was sitting in her room, or maybe in the living room with her fathers, excusing herself for more privacy…

“Do you want to go out again?” Rachel asked eventually. “Actually, this is perfect, I just heard the local theater is doing a production of-“

“No,” Blaine said quickly, interrupting her.

“No?”

“I don’t want to do anything,” Blaine said. “I just want to see you.”

She paused again. “Now?” she asked.

“If that’s okay?” He held his breath, not sure how to react to either answer she might give.

Eventually, she spoke again. “Um… yeah, okay.”

He exhaled, and that was certainly relief he was feeling. “I’ll be there in twenty, okay?”

“Okay.”

The drive to her home was short. When he parked, he saw Rachel was already sitting on the doorstep. As soon as she saw his car, she walked over and got in. She held a thermos that she lay down in her lap to fasten the seatbelt.

“I sneaked out,” she whispered as an explanation, “my dads are having a Julie Andrews marathon. Can we go somewhere?”

“The lake, maybe?” he suggested.

“Perfect.”

They didn’t talk, only the radio faintly dispelling the silence. He mostly focused on the road, but he could see Rachel sneaking glances at him. He might be doing the same.

When they arrived, they walked for a few more minutes until they arrived at the lake. They were alone, nobody to be seen. Above them, there were only a few clouds to be seen. In the dark, the stars seemed all the more sparkling.

“Beautiful,” Rachel said, and Blaine found himself taking her hand, squeezing it for a moment.

They sat down underneath a tree, leaning against the bark and each other.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been here,” Rachel said, looking out at the lake.

Blaine smiled, old memories rushing back. “My brother used to take me,” he said. “We used to come here by bike when I was a kid and he couldn’t talk his way out of babysitting. I had this whole elaborate fantasy about us running away and living here all summer…”

“Why did you want to run away?” Rachel asked.

“It wasn’t really about running. More like… living here? Outdoors? It’s silly, but I had this book as a child, about this girl who lived with her family of robbers in the forest, and then she became friends with the rival clans son and they ran away to live in the forest with all these scary creatures…” He laughed, shaking his head in embarrassment. “Sorry, it’s silly…”

“It’s sweet,” she said.

When he looked at her, she was smiling at him, and he felt something warm inside. He looked from her eyes, so dark out here, where the only light was the flashlight from his car, and just for a second, her lips.

He looked away.

“Oh, I forgot!” Rachel said, as if to quickly overplay the moment. “I brought something.” She grabbed the thermos, and started to pour something into the cup before offering. “Hot chocolate,” she said. “It’s vegan?”

Blaine accepted it with a thanks and took a sip. The taste was a bit unusual, but it was good, exuding warmth and comfort, even if it wasn’t what he was used to.

“I always wanted siblings,” Rachel said, as he passed the cup to her. “But it was hard enough for my dads to get me, and… I guess it was enough for them, to have one person to pour their love into. But it would have been nice to have someone.”

“I get it,” Blaine said. “I mean… Cooper is a bit much, but I’m glad I have him. Even if he can be a bit exhausting. Still… he’s a lot older, so I was still a kid when he went off to Los Angeles… I missed him like crazy.”

“It can be lonely, right?”

There was something deeper in the way she said that, especially since she looked out onto the lake instead of meeting his eye.

Blaine found himself taking her hand. It felt natural to do so. “Yes.”

For a moment, they were silent – just breathing in the air, their hands intertwining, with the stars sparkling above them.

This was what he’d been looking for but sorely missed on their date. No distraction, nothing to take his attention away from this, a simple connection to another person.

“It’s better now,” Rachel said. “With glee club… I didn’t use to have friends, you know. I’m… well, I guess people would say I’m a bit much, as well. So I figured I have to be the best I can be, so people will at least tolerate me for my talent. But with glee club, it’s different. They don’t tolerate me for my talent. Half the time, they’re annoyed by it. But I’m one of them, and… that’s enough.”

Even when she seemed happy about that, there was so much loneliness, even pain in the way she spoke, and it hit Blaine to the core. He wanted to make her look at him, tell her that she deserved better than that – that she shouldn’t settle for being tolerated, because while he didn’t know her for a long time, she _was_ special. She deserved better than just tolerance.

“What?” Rachel asked, turning her head to look at him.

The decision was made in a split second. Carefully, he put a hand on her cheek, looking for a sign of protest. Instead, her eyes fluttered shut. He leaned in, and then their lips met.

It was different from the way it had been at the party, more conscious, slow. Rachel’s lips moved against him, so soft, tasting of chocolate and just a hint of cherry. She sighed, he breath fanning over his skin, and he couldn’t help himself. As he deepened the kiss, his hand moved into her hair, pulling her closer. Their tongues met, carefully, almost shy, and as Rachel put her arms around him, he felt something bubbling up inside him, a feeling of hilarity and… happiness.

He pulled back, and just for a second, he committed the image to memory, Rachel with a blush on her face that he might half imagine, given the light, her eyes half-closed, and another sigh leaving her lips.

“Oh,” she whispered, opening her eyes. ”Wow.”

“Yeah,” Blaine said, surprised to feel slightly out of breath.

She blinked, and withdrew the slightest bit, concern washing over her face. When she spoke, her voice sounded uncharacteristically timid. “Look, if this right now re-confirmed your gayness, then please just don’t say it, because if you did after this kiss, it might actually break my heart-“

He kissed her again, taking the insane words right from her lips.

When they parted again, she was smiling.

It was such a good look on her.

“Look,” he said, stroking his thumb over her cheek. “I have to be honest with you… this is all really confusing for me. I was so sure about being gay for so long… and I don’t know if I was wrong, if I’m actually bi, or maybe it’s just, but… I feel something for you, Rachel. Something real. And… I’d really like to figure this out with you. Together. What do you think?”

She blinked, and her eyes were glistening just a bit too much. But the smile on her face was wide, and genuine.

“I’d like that,” she said.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> on tumblr as imogenlefay


End file.
